HOW TO LOVE PEOPLE WHO ARE UNLOVABLE?

Unlovable

In life, may mga tao tayo na nakakasalamuha na considered as DIFFICULT or UNLOVABLE people. So  sinu-sino sila? Here are some examples:

  1. Si mr./ms talkative. Yung taong palaging ang daming sinasabi, mema, sinisita, lahat nakikita, taklesa, mga walng preno anh bibig..
  2. Si Mr/Ms ANGRY. Mga taong palaging galit. Konting kibot galit agad, konting discomfort galit kagad, 
  3. Si mr./Ms Negative. Lahat na lang ng outlook sa buhay hindi maganda tingin niya. Laging iniisip yung worst. Simang-laging nakasimangot.
  4. Mr./Ms Proud- yung tao na bilib na bilib sa sarili, Mga tao na pabida sa discussions, yung masyadong bilib sa sarili, egoistic, narcissistic, self centered. Yung tingin nila sila lang ang magaling.
  5. Mr.Mr Pasaway- yung mga taong kahit anong paalala mo Gagawin at ggawin pa din yung Mali. Lulusot kung makakalusot. 

Can you love these kind of people?

As humans, our answer could be NO! Or maybe?, kasi mahirap naman talaga gawin. In reality nangyayari talaga at nafefeel natin yung mga ganyang mga bagay. Normal reaction yan eh lalo na kapag galit tayo or masama loob sa taong yun. Madalas ang nangyayari, yung kind of love na ibibigay natin sa mga tao eh just reactionary and with conditions. 

Pero as Christians, we should proactively and pre-emptively love other people hindi lang yung mga taong ka-mahal mahal, but also yung mga tao na tingin natin hindi deserving ng pagmamahal natin.

So ang question HOW WILL I DO THAT? HOW WILL I LOVE A DIFFICULT OR UNLOVEABLE PERSON?

FIRST POINT: KNOW THE TRUE MEANING OF LOVE.

Loving the unlovable
PHOTO SOURCE:  HelensJourney.com

 

 Sa greek may 4 Kinds of Love…

  • Storge – empathy bond. For example Yan yung love ng parents for their children and vice versa.
  • Philia – love between friends.
  • Eros – romantic and passionate love.
  • Agape – unconditional “God” love.

According to Pastor Peter Tan Chi of CCF, here’s how he sees love. Sabi niya. True love is…

  1. From God.  This is so true, it all starts with the Lord.
  2. Unconditional commitment.
  3. Towards difficult people
  4. To seek their highest good
  5. Often times requires sacrifice for God’s glory.

God Loves us no matter what. No buts and ifs. Diba nga siya ang very definition of Love, hindi niya tinitignan kung ano estado mo sa buhay, kung successful ka ba or not, kung ano flaws mo kung makasalanan ka or not. Basta mahal ka niya. Period. And tulad niya, God wants us as His followers to do the same.

Mahirap mahalin ang kaaway. Mahirap mahalin ang taong masama ang ugali. Nature ng tao yun eh. Na pag may nagawang mali sayo or pinapakitaan ka ng hindi maganda. Sasama loob mo, maiinis ka, magagalit ka.

Nahihirapan tayo magmahal kasi ayaw natin masaktan. At dahil pinoprotectahan natin sarili natin from getting hurt. Wini-withdraw natin yung sarili natin. So ano nangyayari? Hindi nga tayo nasasaktan, our hearts will not get broken, pero dun nagsisimula tumigas ang puso natin. Nagstart na tayo magdoubt, maging suspicious, mawalan ng tiwala or nagkakaron na tayo ng prejudism. Hindi natin napapansin tayo na yung nagiging difficult or unlovable person. Na we become our own enemy. Nagiging selfish tayo, yung defense mechanism natin are always up-madaling mainis, madaling magalit mga ganung bagay. 

Pero once you experience the abundance of God’s love and you know that you are filled with that love, you’ll learn eventually how to deal and forgive the unlovable.

Let’s read this verse from the bible. Luke 6:27-30

27 “But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28 bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. 29 If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them. 30 Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. 

Diba si God na nagsabi. We should love our enemies. Because we are children of God, there’s something powerful in us, which enables us to do something beyond what normal people could do. That is sharing the overflowing love from the Lord sa mga tao na who are not loving us, especially difficult, unlovable ones or our enemies. 

2nd Point: KNOW WHO IS CONTROLLING YOU.

Unlovable

Here’s the scenario, kung nakita natin yung taong galit tayo, kaaway natin or kinaiinisan natin for example makaksalubong mo sa hallway or kasama mo sa bahay,  ano gagawin mo at mararamdaman mo? Everytime na makikita mo siya or maalala mo yung mga painful memories mo with that person naiinis ka na.Yung’ umabanggit pa lang name niya kumukulo na dugo mo? Automatic reflex mo yung hatred. Everytime na makikita mo yung tao na to… ting ting ting! Magsesend kagad ng signal saying”I hate this person”. Sino sa inyo naka-experience ng ganun? I guess lahat tayo.

Sa ganung situation, Sino sa tingin niyo ang nagcocontrol sa atin? Diba Yung tao na kinaiinisan natin? sarili natin? Kasi hinahayaan natin na madiktahan or macontol kung ano magiging actions natin or mararamdaman natin sa specific na tao na yun. Like what I said earlier, we are “reactionary”.

Sino ba sumasama loob? Sino ang na-sstress? Nagsusumbong tayo kay God, “Lord tulungan mo ko, ubos na yung pasensiya ko, wala na kong love na maibigay sa taong to. Baguhin mo po siya, baguhin mo po siya.” We are so consumed by hate nagiging callous na yung heart natin. Tandaan natin, hindi lang yung kaaway mo or yung taong kinaiinisan mo ang may capacity to do wrong, ikaw din, so we should stop pointing fingers to others. Diba pag nakaturo tayo sa iba isang finger nakapoint sa tao, but the rest of your fingers kanino nakapoint?. Sayo diba?

Minsan, hindi natin narerealize, ginagamit ni God yung mga ganung situations para ipa-realize and sabihin satin, “Anak ikaw din, baka may nagawang hindi maganda, ikaw din kailangang magbago”. 

Ano po ang sabi sa MATTHEW 7:3 

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?

We need first to admit to ourselves na baka minsan or madalas tayo din yung unlovable person na sinasabi natin or nakikita natin sa ibang tao. Kasi we tend to only see things from our perspective,  hindi tayo nakikinig sa iba, we only listen to ourselves. As Christians, We should have a humble attitude by admitting na may mali din satin.

Bago natin ipagpray kay God na baguhin yung difficult, unlovable person or enemy sa buhay natin, why not pray kay God  first and ask for grace and strength para matutunan mong mapatawad yung taong sumakit sayo. Why not ask kay God na baguhin yung puso mo and magkaron ka ng proper and humbling attitude. Why not ask God na dugtungan yung patience mo and i-restore yung love mo para sa taong yun. 

Sabi nga ni God sa Ezekiel 36:26

And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.

For sure hindi ipagdadamot sayo ni God yun love. Remember that God is love and His love is overflowing and everlasting. Romans 5:5

5 …because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

So, we should all remember that loving unlovable people or your enemies is not a burden but a blessing. Kasi by loving them, we begin to experience yung freedom na yung taong to or kaaway ko na to no longer controls yung nararamdaman natin toward him/her. But it is God who is now taking over our body, our mind, and hearts.

3rd Point: Follow God’s command. 

unlovable

Diba nga sabi sa John 13:34-35 Ano yung command ni God? Ito po yung Sinai niya

34 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35 By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

Saka sabi sin sa…Matthew 5:44

”Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” 

Ayan diba si Lord na nagsasabi satin siya na yung nagreremind satin. Love one another and Love your enemies.

If we are to love one another as Jesus loved us, then for sure magagwa din nating mahalin those people who are not easy to love. Mahirap gawin, but with God’s grace and Love. It is possible.

We have to Own it. We have to be responsible and show commitment of giving our love towards difficult people. Hindi tayo dapat magwait lang sa kung ano gagawin ni God. We have to take actions as well.  Hindi mo pwede sabihin na you love God pero everytime na makikita mo yung specific tao na yun kumukulo pa din ang dugo mo, you still curse that person, say bad things about him/her. Ano sinasabi ng bible about that? 

Basahin po natin 1 John 4: 19-21

19 We love because he first loved us. 20 Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. 21 And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister.

A liar? Ouch diba? Ano Sinabi sa bible ulit? If you love God then you MUST also love your brother and sister. 

When you learn to love your enemies or unlovable people it is considered as a gift of God para satin and thru that napapaexperience ni God satin yung love niya in a deeper and more powerful way.

Diba yun yung sa Romans 5:8 and 10

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

10 For if, while we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life!

Kasi everytime you will the unlovable or difficult person, you will realize again na before, nung sinners and enemy pa tayo, ganun din tayo kay God, tayo yung unlovable and not deserving of His love, yet, minahal tayo ni Jesus and sa sobrang pagmamahal niya satin He even died for us. 

Diba? God’s purpose for us loving others is that para makita at malaman ng mga tao na yun’ na si God nasa buhay natin and para maka-glorify sa kanya.  So if you love God, you would want good things to happen to others so they will also glorify Him.  

Before we end in prayer, I would like to leave you 3 questions to reflect on…

  1. Is anyone in your life hard to love? 
  2. What is it about that person that you struggle with?
  3. What’s one way you can show that person love?

Let’s pray….

Heavenly father. Thank you for your word and for reminding us to love other people the way you loved us.  

Lord we ask for your forgiveness for judging others instead of loving them. Help us Lord to guard our tongues and hearts, so that we can use them to build other people up instead of hurting them.

Lord, thank you for the freedom from resentment, freedom from anger, and from hatred. If we have unresolved anger, help us Lord to deal with it. Heal our hearts. Help us to forgive those people na nakasakit samin. We also ask dear God that you give our enemy the same joy and blessing that you have given us.

We ask all of these, in Jesus name, AMEN.

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